Unfortunately, some confrontation with parents is an unavoidable aspect of adolescent development. Conflict provides a number of critical functions. It’s nature’s way of forcing you to adapt your parenting to your child’s growing desire for developing self-reliance and preparing them to put their growing independence to the test. Furthermore, one of the brain systems undergoing a burst of change from early to mid-adolescence is logic and reasoning. As these skills develop, your kid improves, sharpens, and tests them on you. They discuss, they dispute, and they experiment with various points of view. They learn to reason and think clearly by being unreasonable and illogical at times, and then correcting themselves and strengthening their mental equilibrium.
1. Keep your cool
Many young teenagers have honed their skills at teasing their parents. When your child questions your authority, your views, or insists on something you know is hazardous, it is exceedingly difficult not to overreact. Most parents who have gone through the adolescent years feel that they have overreacted several times, thus we advocate “trying very hard to avoid escalating a confrontation or dispute.”
2. Strive to identify the real issue
It might be tough to pinpoint exactly what you and your child are talking over. Are the low-hanging pants a concern for you because they reflect badly on your parenting, because they will have a negative impact on other people’s impressions of him, or because they are improper for the social occasion? How significant are these variables in comparison to his need and right to make his own decisions?
3. Set realistic consequences so that you are able to follow through
Remember the parenting cliché, “This will hurt me more than it will damage you?” This is especially true for parents when it comes to discipline or repercussions. If you tell your daughter she has to remain home all weekend, you should be prepared to stay home for many hours with a very unpleasant young person.
4. Accept that as a parent of an adolescent, you will experience and overcome shame at some time.
There has very certainly never been a parent in the history of the world who has not been humiliated by anything their child has done. Adolescents will, at some time, wear unsuitable clothing, treat others harshly, act immaturely, fail to complete a school task, lie to you, or do something very dumb (possibly even illegal). It is critical that you do not allow your fear of shame to impact your parenting decisions. On the plus side, you most likely disgrace your adolescent children far more than they could ever humiliate you.
5. Present a United Front
When dealing with disputes with your kid, you and your spouse must, for the most part, present a united front. Divide and conquer is a tried and tested method used by adolescents all over the world, and you must be wary of it. While you and your spouse are unlikely to agree on every element of child-rearing (which is the beauty of having many parents), you will need to reach an agreement before addressing your child. Many times, the argument over a specific childrearing decision has been considerably more intense between two parenting partners than between parents and child.
6. Allow yourself to disengage
There will be moments in a parent’s life when you will have listened to the arguments, considered the problem as honestly as you could, and clearly stated your response, and your kid will still refuse to give it up. It’s okay to indicate that you’ve had enough listening, silently walk away, or even lock yourself in the toilet with a good book for a little peace and quiet.
7. Natural and Logical Consequences: Let the circumstances do the work for you
One method to reduce conflict is to not take on more than you need to and to allow the natural evolution of events to take their course. If your daughter forgets her lunch money three times in a row, express your sorrow and regret that she will be hungry all afternoon, but that you just do not have time to go to school before lunch. This place the power of choice and responsibility squarely in the hands of your adolescent. However, there are situations when the natural outcome of an act or decision is inappropriate. It may endanger your child’s safety or long-term future. In this scenario, employ logical consequences, which deliver repercussions that are rationally related to the activity while also minimizing risk. For example, if your child is texting improper things to pals on his new phone, disable the ability to text. Caution: It can require some extremely creative thinking to come up with a logical outcome. However, practice will make perfect.
8. Always remember that arguing and the pursuit of independence serve a significant function and value to both you and your teenager.
Whether you want your child to venture out into the wild world or test the waters closer to home, all parents want their children to reach maturity milestones. This is a dangerous, frightening, and challenging procedure. Your youngster should do this as well, especially while you are still present to catch them if they fall. Nature’s method of assisting what is best for both of you is your child’s urge to let him or her go.
No matter how many tactics you employ, there is always one child or one-of-a-kind scenario that throws you off guard. In the comments box, share your frustrations in dealing with disagreement. We are equally positive that you have developed some outstanding dispute resolution solutions, so please share those as well.